On scrambled eggs

I know, this is a house blog, which should contain musing about home renovation, repair and the like, but really, what's a house without food? Nothing more than shelter. Add the smell of fresh baked bread or a roast chicken, and a house becomes something entirely different – it becomes sustenance, the place where you take nourishment, recharge, and share your bounty with others. It's cliché, but the kitchen is truly the heart of the house. And what's the heart of cooking and baking? Eggs!

One of the simplest things to make is scrambled eggs, but it's not a simple as it seems. Years ago, when I'd wake after a night of heavy drinking, the only thing on my mind was a mound of scrambled eggs, a heap of bacon, a cup of coffee and half-pack of cigarettes. That was my aspirin. I'd crank up the stove, slap a pan on the burner, swirl some butter, and then dump some quickly-whisked eggs into the hot pan. All wrong. The suckers would start to draw up like a scared turtle and in a flash they'd be dry and chewy. What the hell did I know? I was hung-over and just wanted some grease.

Then I had a revelation. The revelation came, again, after a night of heavy drinking, the day my good friend was getting married. All the groomsmen had stayed at his house prior to the big day, and our friend Ed, who happened to be a chef, offered to cook eggs. I watched with marvel as he put a pan on the burner, dropped some finely-diced cold butter in the pan, and then dumped whisked eggs in the cold pan. What the fuck? This guy is a chef?! He doesn't even know how to cook eggs!

Ahh, but he DID! The eggs were soft and luscious; they just melted in your mouth. This is what they're supposed to taste like. Thanks to that lesson, and with a little help from Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking, I now prepare a proper plate of scrambled eggs. You should try it: Cold pan, medium-low heat, butter, gently whisked eggs with a splash of cream, and stir and stir and stir. As soon as they start to come together in a custard consistency, remove them from the heat and continue to stir. Be careful not to bring them off the heat too late, as they'll continue to cook in the pan. Salt and stir in one small pat of butter for good measure and plate. Enjoy!

A side note to Alton Brown: Dude, last week I went to a place that serves pig's stomach! We should definitely check it out, because I'm certain you never had that on your drive across the middle of America. I'll be waiting for your call.